Foxie: There was something missing in my marriage. One is your marriage, the other is a relationship with a married man with family. If you feel like this about yourself then you may be worrying about what he will do while he's at university. What isn't, is I have to admit that by kissing this guy whom I liked, I did cheat on my husband. But not good enough and you not happy enough to exclude fore-foreplay (open-mouthed kissing) with someone (*ugh) other than him as per the for-life contract? I am heartbroken but told him I understand that I couldnt be with someone who doesnt trust me. Me, I can't believe committing adultery isn't an actual crime yet. When I was in college, I cheated on a bf while I was drunk not because I was drunk, but because I was presented with the opportunity and I wanted wanted to do it. A number of years ago, while I was still married to my late husband, I befriended a guy who was an ace pianist. What if your husband ever found out? What you're doing might FEEL easier, but that's you making the mistake too many others make, which is paying heed only to the *short* term, meanwhile risking leaving that bud to grow unseen into a thorn bush I thought we were talking, in context of the above-type scenario, about mouth-to-mouth kissing being a 'gateway to sex' for the fact of it sparking physical arousal, ergo, whether delayed or in-the-moment, counts as foreplay, ergo, infidelity (albeit, granted, at the thin area of that whole wedge). You wanna tell your husband? I wouldn't want to hear about it if I were in his position. Married and I kissed another manshould I tell him? - Page 2 When we got there the drinks flowed again , and more laughter and story telling. It should prevent you from repeating your actions. So if for some reason he'd got funny about it, I'd have just dealt with it. Maybe you didnt deliberately set out to kiss him or her, but you feel guilty about the kiss because you realize you always wanted to kiss that person, but were afraid to kiss because you harbored hidden feelings for that person. I remember saying 'no, no, this is bad' in the middle of it, and he said 'I know but I really like you and I have done for ages', and he kissed me again, but this time only for a second because I said ' I really can't do this, I have no excuse, I'm married and he's lovely, it's not like I'm unhappy, he's a good person' then he kinda just stroked my arm and said 'I know, your right, it's just I'm really attracted to you and couldn't not act on it, I'm sorry, you're right'. [2] ..you showed you don't think of he and you as a team by sharing all information pertinent to the relationship; It's where the lips have been and where they're going. This is the decission you need to make do you want to risk all (career, home, kids as well as your DH) and be in a position you can pursue a relationship with this married man - who may well reject you for more than a fling. As for this one, I think it's safe to say it's run its course for now. That's what it takes to have a Grade A romance that never dies. | Allow me show you for future ref what someone who hates feeling guilty looks like: We finally mended fences, but there still is a type of tension between us. Yup. Well, then, let me enlighten you. Unfortunately, even these last few asides are tantamount to a forum no-no called thread mutineering. Spoiler alert: Not that different from kissing a girl, only they dont fancy them. I kissed another girl while black out drunk, dont remember a thing. It's wonderful that you even wanted to kiss someone! We were going through an awkward time in the relationship and I was craving the attention and simplicity of this guy. Wow! This thread has expired - why not start your own? Not sure how anyone can say they're "certain" he doesn't need to know, given the fact that he made his own standards and expectations perfectly clear on that score, back when he himself was the 'victim' of a come-on. Him coming to you within 2 days of his wayward deed , when he could have easily gotten away with it, this is something to consider. reader, Ellis Mac+, writes (25 October 2005): A I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 6 months and I feel so guilty. I like him so so much and I know I was just being drunk and ****. I am not someone that cheats on people, I am just a nice lad who gets carried away in the moment when drunk. Yes, that's what I was going to advise - that you two continue any discussion on LG's own thread. He never says this so I knew it was something serious. And then continued behaving like friends as if the mere certificate would do the work and promotion parts for you (or, alternatively, continued accepting the fact that ONE friend couldn't quite dare up his friendship ante to where you felt sated in the affection and attention worthy of marriage department) male And note, you don't HAVE to take my advice. So as far I doing it wrong I wouldn't know. i agree with everyone there's some really good sharing here. Keep it to yourself. stop any contact (outside of work) immediately. I'm so confused. [1] you didn't foresee and avoid being in that predicament. He went on to tell me that he kissed another woman and he had to tell me, he couldn't keep it a secret from me. He also sent me a mean text that said for me to go f myself and to stay away from him. I'm taking it day by day. I certainly took full responsibility for my actions, and fortunately the guy I kissed also took responsibility for his actions. Im a guy and i had sex with my guy bestfriend drunk. Im more than competent at the piano myself, but this guy was amazing. If you drink so much that you lose track of everything, then you already took the first step on a dangerous road. I felt a mixture of excitement and flattery and nerves. And a stitch in time saves nine. Houston, we have a problem. Needing to hear this guy tell you it was OK- It was not OK. But I don't see the need to borrow trouble by telling your boyfriend if you have learned your lesson and know you will never do something like that again. How Psychologically Conditioned Rats Are Defusing Landmines, The Innate Intelligence Observed in the Dying Process. By having a relationship with someone else and then just disappearing off it made things so much more complex for me, him and particularly the DC. It takes to heal the wounded trust again. Despite their passion during the kiss. Mr S lived there once (San Fransisco), but he hasn't any urge to return, either. And the tricky piece de resistance Answer (1 of 7): As you have not mentioned your gender, i am assuming you are a girl. reader, missbunbury+, writes (25 October 2005): A Dont tell me now that youre in love with him.. My libido is sharper when Im sober, at least if Im really attracted to a guy and have the love goggles on. We were going through an awkward time in the relationship and I was craving the attention and simplicity of this guy. I was drunk but that is no excuse. Okay if it was me who did that even thou I dont drink Ill first ask him as if its someone else who did it, like a friend or a colleague and if he overracts then think again but if hes all cool about it then break ice. I am a good person and have never done anything like this before. Sorry Soulmate I know I need to stop,but it's hard to. ;-) (Awlthough, dang naace trah, they-yer, at tryin-a git' me ter disclows mah gendah. female My SO and I had been dating two years. I think you already knew what you wanted to do, your husband was not home, saw an opportunity, and wanted to use being drunk as a cover story. I'm not telling him because I don't want to mess this up. a wiz veteran at Relationship Talk. I guess what really bothers me a lot is when kids get involved. To tell versus Not to tell (and everything that has a bearing). I was drunk on Friday night and I kissed another guy. I was heart broken, and even though he said he immediately pulled away, and we stayed together and over time forgot about it, I remember feeling so uneasy every time I knew he would be in that girls company. Becoz misunderstanding happn somtym and do miracles/ And ya most imp if u both want kids u shud adopt one. Things have gone a fair way beyond ideal but you aren't a silly school girl after your first taste of wine. Do you think it's better to alleviate your guilt by hurting someone you loved or better to just deal with it on your own? I kissed another man four years ago. I gave up playing tennis with him. At least I'll know I've done my bit to the very best of my capability. When he finally called me up, he said that he needed to stay away from me, much as he enjoyed teaching me music, he felt that the next time we met, things could get even worse and he didnt want to destroy my marriage. Guess what his response was? I have posted a vent and been waiting for your scathing reply. He's a nice guy and we get on, but I don't know how I'm gonna face him talk about normal work things. 15 votes, 25 comments. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. If it were me, I would contact her, & let her know that I didn't appreciate her actions. Lets get down to the basics here. I didnt hear from my piano teacher for at least two weeks after that. Drop it in CASUALLY, as part of general chit-chat, like it's no big thing (because if it's no biggie to you then that must mean it isn't and wasn't any threat to him), and in such a way as draws similarities with his own past incident. He has assignments at different sites, and for the last four weeks he has been at the same place. Lee, thats a good way to CYA - pretend youre talking about this as if it happened to someone else and then gauge your partners reaction. I think my husband will not forgive me. Yet obviously (action of posting on a forum after having pulled the snog plug) you don't like that bit. What? Other way around. We are together 12 years altogether and although I had boyfriends before him, it was never serious, and he is the only man I've ever slept with. Well, time for some fun questions: would you be telling him about it just to alleviate your own guilt? Similarly, meeting with someone privately and not telling your partner can also be a warning sign that . I told him straight away what had happened. If you we're my girlfriend and it was years ago and never happened again I would not want to know. This of course over a year ago. I'll inform the vicar, you cancel the cake, yeh? I'm not condoning what I've done, and it's a totally different set of circumstances, but I remember wishing I had never known about the stupid kiss, as it tainted things for a while afterward. Again - your choice. A However one night a boy kissed me and I kissed him back. I feel like my husband deserves so much better, but can't tell him because the guy isn't some stranger, he's a person I see 5 days a week, and I know if tables were turned and I was in my husbands position I would wonder what interactions were happening between the two in work everyday. It was just a kiss. Nah Don't say a word about it. It's just a "good weekend?" If he's like meI can forgive the actbut not the lying. You can even introduce is as you 'having something to tell him that you're very proud of yourself over and wholly expect will make him proud of you too'..such as: Mattia Insolia, Cieli in fiamme (Mondadori) con Valentina Berengo It's not the crime that counts, it's the time. Your significant other might get very angry about this, but I believe it depends more on whom you kissed rather than on the fact that you kissed someone else. / Houston, turns out I/you/I+You can't have kids the natural way after all, which is no-one's fault; let's try IVF / adopt / foster / console ourselves with the fact we'll always have each other, and the babies of people we know to borrow, and the freedom and greater financial means to please ourselves. What should I do. I'm going to be the best wife I can be going forward. ?We were doing well and I was afraid he would never forgive me. I agree with you about her being straight forward and telling her husband about the kiss and not holding back any secrets. I feel sorry for those with depression, mental illness, hangnails, bad hair, bad childhood memories, etc. , By entering this site you declare (No, I'm very passionate about fidelity.) Hey all. I hadn't been out drinking for about 3 months beforehand, so think the excitement of the night, constant glasses prosecco and wine, and the buzz of just being all dolled up all mixed together to see me very giddy and tipsy. You have a number of choices in terms of how to deal with what happened. It's one of those cases where keeping it a secret would be worse than the transgression itself, especially since it'd be a case of 'the pot calling the kettle black'. The next time you saw your significant other you might have blurted out, I have a confession to make. If you kissed a stranger while you were drunk, dont worry about it. When you're in a long-term relationship, it's normal to have a little crush on someone other than your partner. I read or heard somewhere that the only good thing that comes of guilt is to prevent you from doing it again. So, you went to a party and everyone was drinking. If I receive a text from someone that is flirtatious in anyway, I test the person back and tell them that I do not want anymore flirtatious texts and if we are friends then they need to respect my relationship. by Lucy Moore for relationships.femalefirst.co.uk Your significant other might get very angry about this, but I believe it depends more on whom you kissed rather than on the fact that you kissed someone else. Actually I really don't have any experience at all. Years after my divorce the one thing that still makes me really angry is that my XH should have ended the marriage as thats what he wanted. We lived in a small town at the time, and it felt like avoiding this girl was nearly impossible. You're denying him that right and being selfish. Past is something you cannot change. Yes it hurts.. When you conclude that your guilt is sending you an incorrect message, label your guilt as a false alarm, ignore it as best you can and make a fresh . What if they were married? I think a real man actually kisses a dude at least once to really know your sexuality, one says. IAMHIM (person claiming to be an unregistered passer-by), Sorry, you two, I'm not ignoring you, just super-super-busy at the mo. I felt disorientated. You mentioned foreplay as being the main gate. (and more like her as well, please, Bartender! As time elapsed, I realized that I was attracted to him and this began to concern me. He deserves the right to make the decision on whether he can forgive you and move on with you. Your boyfriend may love you so much that he believes you won't repeat the cheating ever again. (I bet many would not kiss & TELL -as it would only invite chaos in their marraiges). I'm really surprised that everyone is saying "It's just a kiss" and to not tell the SO. I really need your help.I have been dating this boy for the past two months. Bad things happen.Yes.but wat i d recomnd u is NEVER EVER tell him ! It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name. Nooooo, surely not. Don't have an account? I was surprised by his reaction, but I shook my head and said it was nothing like that. Being married is something that can be quite complicated at times. Would they be as lenient? "Soz". male = I'VE ONLY GOT HIS WORD FOR IT. When we went to bed that night, I started crying because I realized what had happened and I felt confused and guilty all at the same time. Your guilt is your punishment. I'm married, but kissed another man - PeoplesProblems.org (although, I'm not sure how this counts as a debate if you and I are in total agreement, lol). I feel horrible. Translation: I believe I wish to say, what the hell, what were we doing only I have a competing urge to chose a phrase that could be taken two ways, to ask, where are we at aka what happens with we two now? Houston, well, whaddayaknow - I'M PREGNANT! They need to hold people more accountable to commitment. ;-) My gf went to a house party and got really drunk, and apparently kissed a g My girlfriend got drunk and kissed another guy, 2 months later she got drunk and kissed a girl, HELP. But maybe I should have My thoughts are that he has been persuing her. Damn, my husband is such a good person and we were together for almost 7 years now. This recently happened to me. There was a line that was crossed when they kissed, he should no longer have her as a Facebook friend, or any other communication with her. Sincere apology if my assumption is wrong. A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2006): Hey sweetie my Name is Jilian I have a boyfriend as well and we have been dating for 3 months, I have had past relationships that have gone on for 11 months, I have cheated on my past boyfriend andi felt so terrible andi was in the same situation as you are, sweetie i know how you feel.
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